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Encountering denial, especially when it happens repeatedly, is anything but enjoyable. Someone is turning you down, giving a definite “Not interested.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I commenced proposing articles half a century past, just after completing my studies. From that point, I have had two novels declined, along with nonfiction proposals and many short stories. In the last 20 years, specializing in commentary, the refusals have grown more frequent. On average, I receive a setback every few days—totaling over 100 each year. Overall, rejections over my career exceed a thousand. By now, I might as well have a PhD in handling no’s.

However, is this a complaining tirade? Not at all. Because, now, at 73 years old, I have come to terms with rejection.

In What Way Have I Managed This?

A bit of background: Now, almost everyone and others has given me a thumbs-down. I haven’t kept score my success rate—it would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: not long ago, an editor nixed 20 submissions consecutively before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, at least 50 editors rejected my manuscript before someone gave the green light. A few years later, 25 agents passed on a project. One editor requested that I send articles less often.

The Steps of Setback

In my 20s, each denial were painful. I felt attacked. It was not just my writing being rejected, but who I am.

No sooner a submission was rejected, I would begin the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, shock. Why did this occur? Why would these people be overlook my skill?
• Next, refusal to accept. Surely it’s the wrong person? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Then, dismissal. What can any of you know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my labours? They’re foolish and your publication is subpar. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, irritation at the rejecters, followed by anger at myself. Why do I do this to myself? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, pleading (preferably mixed with delusion). What does it require you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, sadness. I’m no good. Worse, I can never become any good.

I experienced this over many years.

Great Examples

Certainly, I was in excellent fellowship. Tales of authors whose manuscripts was originally turned down are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each writer of repute was originally turned down. Because they managed to persevere, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was cut from his school team. Most US presidents over the past six decades had been defeated in elections. Sylvester Stallone claims that his movie pitch and attempt to appear were rejected repeatedly. He said rejection as an alarm to rouse me and persevere, instead of giving up,” he stated.

The Final Phase

Then, when I entered my later years, I entered the last step of rejection. Acceptance. Now, I better understand the multiple factors why an editor says no. To begin with, an reviewer may have just published a similar piece, or have one in the pipeline, or just be contemplating a similar topic for someone else.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my pitch is not appealing. Or the reader thinks I don’t have the experience or standing to succeed. Perhaps isn’t in the business for the work I am peddling. Maybe was busy and scanned my submission too quickly to appreciate its value.

Go ahead call it an epiphany. Any work can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Some rationales for denial are permanently not up to you.

Within Control

Some aspects are your fault. Admittedly, my ideas and work may occasionally be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and appeal, or the idea I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Or an aspect about my punctuation, notably dashes, was offensive.

The key is that, despite all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve published two books—my first when I was 51, my second, a personal story, at 65—and in excess of a thousand pieces. These works have been published in publications large and small, in diverse outlets. An early piece was published decades ago—and I have now contributed to various outlets for 50 years.

Yet, no major hits, no signings at major stores, no spots on talk shows, no speeches, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel, and no medal. But I can more readily take rejection at this stage, because my, humble accomplishments have cushioned the jolts of my many rejections. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all now.

Educational Setbacks

Rejection can be educational, but when you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Otherwise, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial all wrong. So what insights have I learned?

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